There's a Nip in the air; Autumn is certainly here!



It is so nice to be in the holiday season.  For Halloween we hosted a free hotdog party for the neighborhood.  Many neighbors came by and we got to catch up, ate hotdogs, chips and soda.

Here a few pictures --- the poster we put at the stop signs in our neighborhood.   Chris and Catherine started the Halloween spirit by decorating and setting up.  Too bad I didn't take a night picture the lights were fabulous.

We had quite a good turn out and lots of good conversations.  Plenty of little ones with their constumes for the costum contest. Catherine greeted them and took pictures, Christina gave out candy.  We'll decide on the winners this week and send them a note with a McDonald's gift card   Most common were Mutant teenage ninja turtles, Olaf and Elsa from Snowden.  Chris wore a had with eyeballs so he could keep an eye on everything. Our little dog Molly was a pumpkin. 
We had such a good time.  Our neighbors kept saying what a good idea and we should have more things like this in the neighborhood.  So the next thing planned is an "Ugly Christmas Sweater" party by our neighbor two doors down, the first weekend of  December.  One good thing begats another!

Now for an update on chemotherapy...

As you know, I have been so very ill throughout the chemotherapy, and getting worse.  At first it was ups and downs.  I'd get a chemo treatment - feel okay for a day- have pain and fatigue for a few days- then feel better for a day - then it's time for another chemo treatment.  It went this way for a few weeks; but then started to change where I was just nauseous, in pain, weak and fatigued most all the time.  Ater a few weeks of this, I just had to talk with the doctor to see if there was something I could do differently, I was struggling to meet my responsibilities.  To our surprise when we met with Dr. Maran, he was very compassionate to my pain and suffering.  Together we realized that I had nearly completed the chemo plan, even though we were four weeks from the end date.

What happened is that the first chemo I took was actually as strong as three doses of my weekly chemo (which is why I became so very ill right away).  We changed it to weekly doses so that I could tolerate the chemo better.  Although that did work for sometime; eventually the toxicity did catch up with me and I became more and more ill as the days past.  Anyway, I was scheduled for 12 weekly doses;  I completed 8 weekly dozes, plus the three that were in that first dose brings me to 11 total doses of chemotherapy.  Dr. Maran felt that since my tumor was so small and that we are doing radiation and continuing herceptin (a much more mild) chemo therapy until July; we should be fine.   I told him that I will rely on my faith for that to be the truth.  Then we YAHOO'd that chemo was over.

Though the treatment is over it will take me weeks to months to get over all the side effects. Currently I still am weak and fatigued through out the day.  So I try to keep as active as I can, but you can still find me dozing from time to time.  The bone pain and body aches have subsided --- Glory be to God!  That was the worst.  I occassionally have a bit of nausea each day; but each day it is less and less.  The neuropathy (numbness in my hands and feet) still lingers and am told that that may take some time to rebuild and return to normal.  So steady by jerks, I am recovering as my body tries to rebuild.

Treatment now is both the Herceptin chemotherapy and radiation therapy.  Every three weeks, I have my Herceptin chemotherapy.  This is so mild it has virtually no side effects.  It is important that I have this for the next year as it will work on the HER2+ protein in my body.  According to www.breastcancer.org:

"Genes contain the recipes for the various proteins a cell needs to stay healthy and function normally. Some genes and the proteins they make can influence how a breast cancer behaves and how it might respond to a specific treatment. Cancer cells from a tissue sample can be tested to see which genes are normal and abnormal. The proteins they make can also be tested.

HER2 (human epidermal growth factor receptor 2) is one such gene that can play a role in the development of breast cancer. Your pathology report should include information about HER2 status, which tells you whether or not HER2 is playing a role in the cancer. The HER2 gene makes HER2 proteins. HER2 proteins are receptors on breast cells. Normally, HER2 receptors help control how a healthy breast cell grows, divides, and repairs itself. But in about 25% of breast cancers, the HER2 gene doesn't work correctly and makes too many copies of itself (known as HER2 gene amplification). All these extra HER2 genes tell breast cells to make too many HER2 receptors (HER2 protein overexpression). This makes breast cells grow and divide in an uncontrolled way.  HER2-positive breast cancers tend to grow faster and are more likely to spread and come back compared to HER2-negative breast cancers. But there are medicines specifically for HER2-positive breast cancers."

I sadly am one of those 25%, but am grateful to be treated with the herceptin chemotherapy.

I started my radiation therapy today, November 6.  I will have this every weekday for six weeks.   So it will be completed December 18th! There is no real side effect with this.  I have to put special creams on my left breast so that the laser from treatment doesn't burn or effect the skin too much. Each treatment lasts about 30 minutes.   My treatment time is 8:30 am, so by 9 am I'm done and have the rest of the day to work and do other things  -- as long as my body will let me. My radiation treatments are painless.

Radiation therapy — also called radiotherapy — is a highly targeted and highly effective way to destroy cancer cells in the breast that may stick around after surgery. Radiation can reduce the risk of breast cancer recurrence by about 70%. Despite what many people fear, radiation therapy is relatively easy to tolerate and its side effects are limited to the treated area. www.breastcancer.org

What God is teaching me....

As many of you know, it has a been a rough couple of years for our family concerning mental health and physical health.   Yet through all the anquish and physical pain; there were moments where I just wanted to break down and quit.  But God is faithful and sent His Holy Spirit and ministering angels to keep me going.

I can say that I personally have experienced pain and suffering in recent years that I thought would never touch me.  What God has taught me is that He is always with me, and truly -- I can endure with His Spirit.   And in a strange way I have come not to fear suffering or pain anymore.   I have learned that it is a blessing.  Even in the midst of it all, my gratitude for all the blessings and all the help and support from famly and friends, kept my eyes looking forward and gave me courage beyond what I ever thought I could do.  I have learned that suffering is vitally important --- with suffering comes insight, compassion, wisdom and a deeper and truer love for humanity.   God has taught me that I truly have the opportunity to walk closer with Him each day as I find ways to seek insight, compassion and wisdom for people in my life, and through this I love them more deeply and truer.

It's all so amazing --- because of God's grace you are in my life, and I am truly blessed each day and each step of the way.  Praise God for His love and mercy.

Thanks to my sister for her dear card that lifted my spirits, my friend from OK who sent me a huge hug in a box (fuzzy socks, scarf, cute hat, lovely earrings, and lemon drops); and to my neighbor who crocheted an afghan and made yummy cookies for me.   Thanks to so many of you for your calls and emails.  I apologize that I have not been able to return most of them, the fatigue and weakness this past month has kept me.  Hopefully I will be growing stronger soon and write you all back individually.

For now, I wish you the best of the new Holiday Season --- Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas....

Rita

Beautiful October

Happy Autumn All!

Well its finally Fall, my favorite time of year.  I hope that you are enjoying it too!

They say you shouldn't dream your life away. Well I've been working hard at trying not to do that.
I have lots of dreams lately, due to my sleeping 10 to 15 hours a day.  Going through cancer is the only time your doctors will praise you for this behavior, I'm sure.  But my body is fighting off the toxins and side effects of the chemotherapy, and your body only heals and grows when you sleep.  That's why I'm fatiqued so much.  But its all good.

When I'm awake I' also dreaming about how nice it will be this time next month when this harsh chemotherapy is completed.  I have only four more treatments  -- last one November 6.  Since I am suffering with most of the side effects that come from it; I will be able to really heal and feel good within weeks after that --- Just In Time For the HOLIDAYS!!!   They say that a few of the side effects will probably take a month or two.  Soon I'll be enjoying oysters on the half shell and a glass of wine with Chris!!!

Some of my side effects are numbness in my fingers, feet, and around my mouth; puffiness due the steroids in my face; watery eyes that often feel like I have sand in them because of loosing my eye lashes; minor nose bleeds from time to time; headaches, nausea, open wounds from erroneus scratches that don't heal because my body doesn't have enough umph for that right now; and of course fatique.  I have low hemoglobin levels in my blood which causes this.

Hemoglobin is a protein in red blood cells that carries oxygen to the rest of the body.  Since mine is low, the onocologist has recommended that I eat more red meat.  I've learned that iron supplements are not useful here because it is not the right kind of iron, and iron rich vegetables while good for supplementing normal health, do not give enough 4% to make a difference.  Red meats are the highest and will do the best.

So for the last week, Chris has been feeding me what I love love love.  Roast beef, steak, goat, liver, tonight we'll be having homemade beef stew for dinner... and low and behold my shakes are gone, and when awake I am energized.   My appetite is not the greatest, but having this good stuff does motivate me to eat a bit more.  Up until now I've mostly been eating fresh fruits and veggies, protein -- boiled eggs or a little chicken or fish.  Now with fall/winter -- still keeping up with some fresh fruit, but mostly roasted veg. and of course red meat.  Oh yes, I've also become addicted to aloe vera juice (slightly flavored with citrus -- from the Korean Grocery)  about six ounces a day is helping to heal my digestive track from all the harsh meds etc.  Good Stuff!

A couple of weeks ago, I started experiencing pain in my left arm between the shoulder and elbow. It was managable for the first two days, but by the third day was unbearable.  Chris took me to urget care.  Come to find out I had pinched a nerve in my neck.  So the doctor gave me a shot of muscle relaxant, pain reliever Rx, and a sling to wear for a week.  Fortunately all got well within days.  But wondering how that happened .... it occurred to me that I had put on a very strong holding sports bra (telling you --- it was a struggle)  that I used after breast surgery.  Don't know why I did this, and no one was around to help.  I think that in that struggle is when I pinched that nerve ---- go figure!

A shout out to my friend John Sullivan in NYC.  He made a pilgramage to Spain in September walking the Camino De Santiago trail, in his last email he wrote:  I walked this last segment of the Camino thinking of you today. I pray that you are well. I am now staying in the small Spanish village of Navarette. I have now completed over 150 km of the Camino de Santiago. The Camino is like an allegory of life with many ups and downs. I offer my prayers for your recovery and look forward to sending you pictures of the small town.

I am so honored by his kindness and mindfulness.  The fact that he even has seen the original hometown of my family is fantastic.  Hugs to you and our friendship John, I wish I could find the words to express how I feel about the significance your prayers are in my life.

A few folks have commented that they miss seeing my blog more often.  I am so flattered by that.  Can't say enough how much it matters to me that we are connected.  Anyway, I started the blog as an easy way to keep you all up dated whenever there are changes, etc.   So please know that sometimes it will be up dated monthlyish or every weeklyish or even dailyish.  It just depends on whats going on, and my health/ability to write.  So no worries if a few weeks go by, I will always keep you posted if there is something important.

In the meantime,  please keep me posted on what's going on your way.  Thank you all so much for your emails and phone calls, and cards.  Your love and prayers have kept this time from being so difficult.  I keep you in my prayers too.  May God bless you in extra special ways this season.

With love, prayers, and peace,
Rita

Wow How time has flown!

Hi all:

I can't believe that it has been weeks since I've added to this blog. One thing about being in chemo is that time looses any meaning.  It is strange and frustrating.

Well, I've had 5 chemo treatments in the last eight weeks.  Since August 21, I've been receiving my treatments each week on Thursday from 9:00 am to noon.  I learned this last week I have 10 more to go -- ugh!  So chemo ends the early November. Side effects are varied.  Chemo brain is where I forget things easily or don't quite remember things right.  Numbness in my fingers continues so I'm clumsy, fatigue, off sleep and eating patterns.   But I can't complain, as it is just for a little while and will pass.

After this chemo, I get about 4 weeks with nothing -- yeah can't wait!  Then radiation everyday (M-F) for 3 weeks.  After that a continuation of a very mild chemo (Herceptin) that they say has no side effects for a year.  And then... a medication that I'll just take for 5 years.

Breast cancer is the most curable cancer, and I have about 95% cure rate -- meaning it won't come back.  So in the long run, all of this worth doing, for sure.

I miss having a regular life tho.  Sleep patterns and appetitie are off in strange ways.  Sleeping I can do at the drop of a hat.  So I have to work on keeping a schedule.  Yet some days are just bad days, I don't feel well and sleep most of the day, then night time is tough.  I am often hungry but nothing tastes good.  Chris has taken me out to dinner a few times, but I just can't seem to finish a meal.

My food of choice is watermelon -- I eat bowls of that each day.  It tastes good, easy on my stomach and helps keeps me hydrated. But protein is the most important thing I'm suppose to each -- so we try different things and I do the best I can.  Soups have also been a big help with lots of crackers.  Nausea and heartburn are a recurring concern.

I rarely leave the house.  My sweet girls attend mass and pray for me.  I miss going, but often just don't have the strength.  I'm on a little walking program to keep me going and do light house work.  Chris and the girls do a great job of making sure things get done and meals are made for the most part.  Sometimes they go out to eat without me -- which I'm happy because I don't want them to do without because of cancer.

I am working full time --- by the grace of God it is all at home.  As a full time professor, I've been given all online classes this semester.  So I manage it in bits as I can through the week.  So far so good.

Updates:  Catherine is doing fantastic!  She is driving and has a job at Starbucks.  She is planning to begin college in January.  Christina is doing Marvelous!  She is a sophmore this year, happy to be back at school, and is very conscientious about her  schoolwork and home responsibilities.  Chris is Fabulous!  He does all he can to meet my needs and take care of everyone.  His work keeps him very busy too.  Yet he manages to keep me first priority -- every doctors appointment, every time I need something -- he is there.

Though I haven't seen him in weeks, Steve - the girls' father is doing better.  He is still in the hospital, but I'm told he will be moved to rehabilitation this week.

I hope this note finds you doing well and feeling the love in Lord each day.  Thanks so much for your cards and emails.  I know you are praying. All of this gives me great strength to get through this and continue with daily necessities.   I apologize if I have not reached out to you lately, I simply lose time and focus.  Please do contine to email or comment here.

Praying for you with gratitude.

New Chemo

Evening all...
 Just to remember ..... here is a picture of me after diagnosis before chemo

before chemo

after Chemo
No hair is not so bad.

I think I look younger with no hair,  How about you?  I have to tell you that going bald is a best keep secret because it is to easy.   I now have a wardrobe of scarves and hats, and love wearing them.  Honestly, if it weren't for Chris, I probably would continue with ultra short hair after the cancer and chemo is gone. :-)

I mentioned that my last chemo was devastating to me.  Really really rough.  Fortunately my oncologist realized this as well and has greatly changed the chemotherapy, but hopefully not its effectiveness.
Starting tomorrow 8/21, my new regimen will consist of chemotherapy receiving taxol and herceptin.  A blessing is that I've made new friends who have differing forms of cancer who also go to chemo at the same time, so we'll have a good visit.  The treatments are each Thursday for the next 6 weeks, 3 1/2 hours each time in the chair.

After the chemotherapy is done, we'll wait 4 weeks and I'l have radiation 5 days a week for 3 weeks; then continue on with chemotherapy for a year with only herceptin.

I pray, pray, pray, that the side effects tomorrow are not as bad as the other medicine.  Doctors and nurses have said the "should" be a bit milder; but it all depends on the patient and the cancer.  So I am keeping my hopes up and hoping for the best.  I received a call from my family doctor that my labs from last week show low blood calcium, abnormal reading for the kidneys and the liver.  These are all side effects of the chemotherpy, and will be attended to as we go along.

The nurse practitioner said it well when describing the GI tract and my hair --- she said that both the gastrointestinal tract and all the hair follicles get really angry with chemo therapy.  I'm living proof as are many others, unfortunately.

On another note, I recently was hired as a full time associate professor at my college.  What is really cool is that for this year, I am working with ELI (extended learning instititute) so the vast majority of my work is online --- don't even have to leave home.   Today I lauched 4 sixteen week classes (all seem to have very interesting students). 2 - Psych 1 & 1-Psych 2, 1 - Developmental Psych.

The first six weeks might be little rough because of chemo, but at least I can get to it on my own time.
Despite everything, the blesssings still out way any sorrow.  God is good all the time.

Please keep your happy notes and comments coming.  I pray for abundance in blessing to come your way.

Better news for sure....

GOD IS FAITHFUL ALL THE TIME!

Me and Catherine -- A blessing to share our baldness

Here's a picture of me and my dear Catherine.  As many of you know she has suffered with Alopecia since she was nine years old.  It has taken many years for her to come to terms with it, but now at 18, she is quite confident in herself and her beauty.  One of the blessings of this illness for me, is having the opportunity to share the "no hair" experience with her.  (Gosh my nose is big)

On another note, I was fortunate to get an early morning appointment with my oncologist today.  I actually wasn't scheduled to see him until next week sometime, but I have been so very sick with side effects -- I decided I couldn't wait any longer.

In his office, I described all that I had been going through.  He agreed that it was so much suffering and that the treatment had to be changed.  In fact, I learned that the treatment that I was given is the standard well researched successful treatment for women who have my type of breast cancer with tumors up to 3 centimeters (about 2 1/2 inches in size).  Since mine was so very small  .6 cm (1/2 inch) and because I am not tolerating the medications at all; we should change.

Blessing.. . . Starting next week, I will be using a chemo therapy that is way less toxic and eliminating all together the Neulasta (white blood cell shot) that is the biggest nemesis causing side effects.  Now I will still suffer some side effects, but according to Dr. Maran  all will be well managed.  Of course, the overall goal is to ensure that the cancer doesn't have a chance to come back; but during treatment the goals are short down time, minimal pain and suffering, and more time to live a regular life.  I am fortunate to be able to make this change because my cancer was caught so early, and because I am being so very closely monitored for the next five years.  

The last two weeks have been hell on earth for me.  I really knew that if the chemo course I was on was the one I had to use; I simply could not do it.  I was prepared to take my chances with minimal help and just live as long as I could with quality of life and not all the pain and agony.

But once again, God meets me at my need.  Taking the step of faith to talk with my doctor was all I needed to do. Incidentally, since I've been through this first toughest series of treatment does not go to waste --- it actually puts us ahead of the game on the new regimen.  My optimism is back and am looking forward to moving on fighting this thing.

For this day however, I am at the lowest of my white blood count and seem to have caught a cold or something.  So I'm keeping inside and hoping to gain my health soon.  Nausea and pain are under control and meds are slowly becoming less.

Thank you all again for your prayers and your love.  You make all the difference!

2:00 am Chemo Hats

I was told that keeping up with sleep and rest is vital to getting well.  Mostly, this is a no brainer with all the nausea and pain medications.  Yesterday and today, I've felt a bit better and have tried to take less meds and am starting to get a bit back to normal -- so to speak.  I really do not like the "loopy" feeling from the medications and hope to stay away from that as much as possible.

Chemo Hats

So what does one do at 2:00 am ---lots of things I've read.  One recent suggestion was to get the little things done that come up regularly in life.  For example, write your gift giving lists (birthday, anniversary, Christmas, etc)  Then shop online for the items.  Not that you'd buy everything all at once, but a little here and there.  Over time, the gifts come in.  On other sleepless nights you can wrap and label your gifts and store them away for the right time.  The neat thing about this, it that it is so efficient and you haven't had to use regular hours to get it done.  It kind of is like magic.  To be honest, I did this for last Christmas, and was totally amused how easy the season was after that.  I really enjoyed the no sweat time of simply enjoying each day/activities/event as it came.

Chemo Hats

 But not so this year.  I guess I could begin the same, but other things on my mind. Like what am I going to wear when I begin back next semester teaching class.  I have 4 traditional psychology classes (meaning in the classroom) and 1 online class to teach this fall.  Funny thing is, my class in Abnormal Psychology is the only one online, and that one could use me looking "odd" in front of students.

My other classes are Principles of Psychology, and Intro to Psychology.  These are all new students and I need to make sure that I do not scare them off -- bald and sickly looking skin that I now have.  So I'm looking at "chemo hats".

It's an interesting name - chemo hats;  clearly purposed for cancer patients who have lost their hair to chemo, and find hats to wear.  Looking through the many sites, I've learned that most of these are built for comfort and style, but comfort is definitely #1.

Last week I purchased 4 hats of different styles and am planning to use some of my scarves too.    So far, whenever I do wear them, I get complements, and folks tell me that I'm a "hat person".   Rarely got complements on my hair, so does that mean that my hair.... oh well never mind.   Last week, on one of my sickest days, I had a business meeting that I had to attend -- an opportunity for an associate professorship.  For this I wore a scarf around my head that was of complementary pattern to the color of my dress, and it really did dress up by outfit.  One person at the office said "wow, you look gorgeous."  That was nice, tho I actually felt awkward hoping that it wasn't too much and/or would begin to slip off as I walked across the lobby or during the meeting.

Anyway, I'm deciding that I do like the hat(s) idea over scarves and may keep my hair very short after it begins to grow in, just so I can keep wearing them --- the ones for summer are so cooling and comfy.  I'm sure hats for winter will be a must.  If I do become a "hat person" and where them after the treatment is over -- I'll have to think of a new name for my "chemo hats."

I'll let you know what I hear about the associate professorship.... Let me know what you think about chemo hats and any other ideas to look presentable in a professional environment or college classroom.

Blessing to you all....

SICKER THAN A .......

Thanks to everyone who has sent me cards and called me, etc.  It is just amazing to know that we are in each other's hearts.   I apologize as I have not been physically able to respond to each person, but am trying to do so here.

DEAR FAMILY:  Many of asked if there is something you can do for me.  It is difficult because of the miles between us.  But if you will help me communicate with everyone will be such a blessing.  Especially those that do not use a computer.  Fortunately, there are no secrets here, and all is open for loved ones to know. Here is my list from this week:

I hope that someone will call my Aunt Alice for me and let her know that I got her message on the phone.  I am honored that she called me and appreciate her her care.  Let her know that so many of childhood memories include her.

My dad is worried and though Catherine called him the other day, he needs some reassurance that these chemo treatments are only temporary.

My dear Aunt Eva and her family sent me a card.  I am so happy to have received it.  Please let her know that I feel their love and support.

My cousin Lela --- if someone could reach out to her and let her know that I heard her message on the phone.  And again, how blessed I am to have the love and support.

Mae, Carol texted me and please know that you and your daughters have been on my mind and in my prayers.

I have to tell  you that the last week has been the worst of my life.  I was told that after chemo, I could expect the following:

1. nausea for a few days-- but many nausea medications are given
2. bone pain and body aches from the neulasta shot (to increase white blood cells) -- suggested Tylenol and clartin to take in advance to help ward this off

Okay, I could handle this.  It's that little caveat the they all say at the end that really gets you, "but there's no telling for sure because every one's different."

YIKES -- isn't that the truth right there.  Eleven days ago I had my first chemo treatment,  and I'm still suffering.  The physical pain lasted for about five days due to the neulasta.  Finally, relief from that!  I thought I was over the hump --- but on Wednesday, nausea came on like a storm --- Chris even called the ambulance I was in a bad way.   But into the afternoon things settled down as I was more and more medicated.

So far I have learned that if I stay medicated enough, I can get through it.  It just is knowing when and how bad things will be.  I have sores in my mouth, throat, lips, and the medication makes me drowsy and groggy all most all the time.

Gosh I know this sounds awful and lots of complaining.... sorry -- for me it is only the truth.
I plan to visit with my doctor next week and discuss other options.

This being all said, I am reminded of the people who are suffering more than I can imagine, and it humbles me.  I also think of Our Lord, in the Garden of Gethsemane, He knew in advance the pain and suffering he would endure; but did it anyway.  I have a  little insight know as to how that is, and only ask for His mercy.

NOW I KNOW I AM A CANCER PATIENT --- OH THE PAIN.....

Thursday -- July 31 was my first chemo-therapy.  Not so bad.   The port in my shoulder makes administering the medication very easy.   The surprise is that it took almost 5 hours.  I was seated at 9:30 am.  Received an anti-nausea IV medication.  The first of the three chemo drugs (Docetaxel) began in my IV at 10:00; at 11:30 I received the second (Carboplatin); and finally at 1:30 I received the third Trastuzumab. Long day -- of drip drip drip.

Docetaxel and Carboplatin prevent cancer cells from dividing and growing and can cause them to shrink and die (that is if there are any left in my body at all after the surgery). The Trastuzumab is targets the cancer cells even more precisely and

I walked out of  there feeling pretty good -- no big deal I thought.   Had a nice little dinner, appetite a bit low.  Took the nausea meds they gave me, just to make sure that I wouldn't get sick.   First night - good!

Friday, I returned to the doctors office for a NEULASTA shot.  I will receive this the day after chemo throughout my treatment.  This is a shot in the arm or stomach and is purposed to build white blood cells in the bones.  I was warned that my bones would ache some, and it is different for everyone.  Tylenol and claritin were prescribed.  Interesting -- the claritin has been found to help cancer patients with bone pain.

NOW I KNOW I AM A CANCER PATIENT --- the warning about the bone pain was highly under-estimated.   At first it begins with just a little shock of pain here and there, then an ached for a few minutes, then it builds into excruciating pain like I have never known.

This little chart shows a bit about how the pain comes and goes.  Then the overall pain.  And from time to time it truly feels like a saw blade riping through my breast bone, back, and pelvis.   For the last two days it has been such a struggle.   I tried to manage it with tylenol and clariton, and it has helped at moments.  Last nite was the worst!

TODAY!  Chris was up early this morning with the doctor --- we're bringing in the big guns.  Hydrocodone/Acetaminophine 5-325 mg every four hours four pain!  YIPPEE!
I promise to keep you posted on more --- but for now I must find my rest ---- finally!
Blessings to all.

What am I doing here?

LIKE MY NEW LOOK!

Honestly, I must admit that I have been under a bit of disillusionment since my diagnosis.  While I fully understand that my cancer was early at Stage 1A and that we removed it all through the surgery, and all margins and lymph nodes were clear; I thought I had sort of dodged a bullet with the amount of treatment and pain I would have to do.

At the moment, I am cancer free --- so everything we are doing now is to make sure that I stay that way.   OK-- I got it!  No big deal --- take the treatment and move on.

On June 24th I attended the mandatory chemo class at my oncologists office.  Here a nurse talks with a small group of new patients about what to expect with chemotherapy.   This meeting was like a bucket of cold ice water thrown in my face.

I walked into a very modest conference room and saw a dozen or so other people.  As I reached for my seat, I recognized one of the participants is a business acquaintance who I've known for a few years.  Our mouths agape -- we stared at each other.  "What are you doing here?" we both thought without saying word.

The room had patients with all different kinds of cancers -- breast, leukemia, colon, brain, ovarian, etc. Seeing this I felt as if I didn't belong.  My cancer was small and gone. These folks had lots facing them -- and I just had to take some medicine.

As the class progressed I realized that I was wrong.  Actually, just about everyone was post surgery and, like me, in chemo to kill cancer cells so it doesn't come back.  EYE OPENER:  The nurse discussed the list of medications and side effects, but reassured us that not to worry because their goal is to help us manage the pain as best possible and minimize discomfort. 

What does that mean?  Will it be like a tooth ache, or probably I won't feel anything much that a Tylenol can't handle -- I was certain. As the class went on, I learned about the suffering that goes on with chemotherapy --- how the medicines do kill cancer cells, and other normal cells too.  Then how other medicines are used to boost your white blood count.  But the side effects----- OH WOW THE SIDE EFFECTS!    I have three medicines for nausea, vomiting, medications for bone pain, muscle aches, blisters in the mouth, constipation, diarrhea, rashes, numbness, dizziness, on and on.

We (the patients) began to compare notes and we were quick to discover that the cancer experience is different for everyone.   Walking away from the class, I left with a bit fear, and a knot way deep in my stomach.   What am I going to be facing?   I know that God will help me and my faith in Him will carry me through --- I just hope it doesn't hurt.

Its Amazing....

Its amazing.... how things work out in life.  I know that God is in control and that He is working everything out.  But sometimes it is difficult to see what He will do next and why.  The only thing that I can gather, is so God can show His love and care in extraordinary ways.  So many blessings have happened in the past six weeks since learning about my cancer, which probably wouldn't have happened otherwise.

All in all, life is good and way too busy.  Yesterday I had my first appointment with my radiation oncologist.  She was really terrific.  I am so very pleased and confident about my team of physicians -- each of them are super with bedside manner, training & experience.  Each of them have earned awards nationally and regionally in recent years.  BLESSING #1 God picked out a great group of people to help me along.

My radiation oncologist, of course, examined me, beginning with those words I hear so often now "Everything off from the waist up; gown on, open in front."  I even said it with her and we laughed.  All is well in my healing process from the surgery, just need to wear tighter sport bras for compression on the surgical areas.

We discussed the radiation therapy (will start one month after the 1st Chemo; so in January 2015).  She told me that my left breast (the one that had cancer and the lumpectomy) will probably lift and become firm like in younger years.  I told her that I had asked Chris if he would love when I'm old and my bra size is a 36 long. "So not I'll be half perky and half long?", I asked.

She informed us that insurance will cover breast reconstruction on the right side after radiation therapy. BLESSING #2  I will get to have breast reconstructive surgery to reduce and lift my breasts.  I am so happy as I have been wanting a breast reduction for sometime; but didn't think I'd ever be able to afford it.

There are certain vitamins and nutrients that you have to avoid during chemo and radiation -- surprisingly it is the ones that are antioxidants and/or that natural help with hormonal balance of estrogen.  I have made eating foods and taking supplements of both these components part of my daily regimen for years.  So, for now, no more A, C and E vitamins, and no more of my black cohosh complex (ginseng, etc) to natually manage my menopause hormones and hot flashes -- until after all my treatments are over at the end of 2015.  I learned that the black cohosh and other natural herbal supplements are not always as good as one might think  -- especially since there is not regulatory management on them.  "You can't really know what your getting or the quality of it," she said.  She gave me this website from Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York. BLESSING #3 You can look up herbs and find our more about them.  Sloan K has and continues to do extensive research:
http://www.mskcc.org/cancer-care/integrative-medicine/about-herbs-botanicals-other-products

The shocking thing is that it is likely that the black cohosh contributed to my cancer especially concerning the HER2+ protein that I have that makes me prone to cancer because of very sensitive estrogen levels.  So I don't think I'll be going back to black cohosh again.

As I reported last time, Steve Jones (Catherine's and Christina's father) has had a bout with cancer too.  He developed prostate and bladder cancer.  He actually has known about it for some time.  He went through chemo before the surgery (which I have learned is common now days).  BLESSING #4 In short he has had some ups and downs; but is doing generally really good and will recover.

BLESSING #5  It has given a reason for his family and me to talk and encourage each other.  This is wonderful because they were my family for almost 25 years and when the divorce happened, losing them was a big loss for me.  So a prayer has been answered.  I know that my daughters are very pleased and no longer have to feel a big separation in their extended family.  Going forward, I hope this will only continue and the girls will know that no matter what family is family.

BLESSING #6  Chris is really having to deal with lots through all of this. Of course, his love for me causes him concern and stress about my well being.  His love for the girls keeps him thinking and doing things that makes life better for them.  His work --- managing his real estate business and seeing to clients needs.  Peggy -- making sure her needs are met and bills are paid in the assisted living.  And even with Steve's situation -- it is not all so great for him with Steve being my ex-husband and all.  Yet, Chris is supportive and loving --- and oh so mindful of us all.

BLESSING #7  All of this has kept me from ruminating on my cancer situation.  It has brought it in to perspective.  There is really nothing more than what I am doing, that I can do.  God is truly in control.

BLESSING #8  All of you with your prayers, kindness and support means so much to me.  Not only does it give me strength --- I know that you are a big reason why so much good as happening through this time.  God does answer prayer and prayer certainly changes things.  It's AMAZING!

All Clear, yet. . .

Hoping everyone had a very good July 4th!  We did! The weather was beautiful and we had delicious dinner outside, then watched the Capitol 4th celebrations on TV.  Didn't want to fight the crowds this year.

Last Thursday, I saw my cancer surgeon.  The great news is that all is clear -- the margins on my surgery and my lymph nodes are clear.  That means they got it all and I am officially cancer free.  More about this later in this post.

We received startling news last week.  Steve Jones, my former husband, and the girls'  father was diagnosed with bladder and prostate cancer about the same time I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  He did not want to give the girls too much to bear; so he didn't tell us.  I was in surgery on Thursday the 26th, and he was in surgery Wednesday the 25th.  He is still in the hospital and fighting to get better.

Steve and Catherine for Senior Marching Band Event
September 2013

It is moments like these that punctuate that relationships are the most important thing in life. Fortunately, since the divorce, we have remained in contact frequently.  Steve has the girls with him more than every other weekend.

For now, we are visiting him when he is able, and talking with him each day. I am so thankful for Chris (my husband) as he is so kind, generous, and supportive to me and the girls; even though this is an additional stress for him too. Our family in Oklahoma has been involved with this from the beginning fortunately, and it is a blessing that we are all in contact now and able to support each other.

In addition to Steve's suffering; I am deeply concerned for Catherine and Christina.  How awful it is that both of their parents are diagnosed with cancer at the same time!  Yet, in my spirit I know God has some tremendous purpose for this happening.  We have had one tough year, yet with each trial we have become closer, and stronger.  I am encouraged to know that by faith we can rest all on Him, and He will see us through.  In the end things will be better than we could ever hope, dream or imagine.  I am confident in my ability to get through this all, and do my best to help my daughter's grow their faith to see God in action in their lives.

Even so, I ask for your support with prayer, positive thoughts, etc.  Please pray for Catherine and Christina that the Holy Spirit will be at work in their hearts and souls, that they can grow in their strength and hope. Prayers for Steve, so that he can heal and recover, and in the meantime not suffer with pain.  Prayers for Chris, that he can continue to know that he is loved and his support is so appreciated.  Prayers for our family in Oklahoma, that they too will find peace, and by faith be encouraged and strengthened.

One thing I know for sure --- God answers prayers; prayer changes things.  I am strengthened to know you are praying too.

Now on about my cancer treatment. . .

Right now I am still healing from surgery with three good slices that are taking their time to heal, and big sad bruises all over my chest.  But overall, I am good and better everyday.  Compared to what Steve is going through, mine is a cake walk.

I only have treatment to endure until the end of 2015; and I'm hoping it won't be as bad as some say it is.

But because of being a triple positive, ER, PR and Her-2.  The first two are estrogen related hormones, Her-2 is a protein that increases the risk of recurring cancer.  

About 75% of all breast cancers are “ER positive.” They grow in response to the hormone estrogen. About 65% of these are also “PR positive.” They grow in response to another hormone, progesterone.If your breast cancer’s cells have a significant number of receptors for either estrogen or progesterone, your cancer is considered hormone-receptor positive and likely to respond to endocrine therapies.
Breast cancer tumors that are ER/PR-positive are 60% likely to respond to endocrine therapy. Tumors that are ER/PR negative are only 5% to 10% likely to respond to endocrine therapy.
Endocrine therapies for breast cancer are treatments usually taken after surgery, chemotherapy, and/or radiation are finished. They are designed to help prevent recurrence of the disease by blocking the effects of estrogen.
HER2-Positive Breast Cancer
In about 20% to 25% of breast cancers, the cancer cells make too much of a protein known as HER2/neu. These breast cancers tend to be much more aggressive and fast-growing.
For women with HER2-positive breast cancers, the drug Herceptin has been shown to dramatically reduce the risk of recurrence. It has now become standard treatment to give Herceptin along with adjuvant (after-surgery) chemotherapy in those with metastatic breast cancer. Another drug, Tykerb, is often given for metastatic cancer if Herceptin fails. Kadcyla is another drug that can be given after Herceptin and a class of chemotherapy drugs called taxanes, which are commonly used to treat breast cancer.
Herceptin has far fewer immediate side effects than chemotherapy -- for example, there is usually no nausea or hair loss. However, there is a small but real risk of heart damage and possible lung damage.
http://www.webmd.com/breast-cancer/breast-cancer-types-er-positive-her2-positive  

So I'll be seeing the radiation oncologist next week, and my regular oncologist the week following for chemo.
When I finish with chemo and radiation, around the holidays; I'll begin the Herceptin treatments for the next entire year.

Well, that's about all for now.  Thank you all for your care and support.  I keep you in my prayers too.
Until next time --- Blessings.

Surgery Done!

Well, Thursday was the big day and I had my breast cancer surgery.  INOVA Breast Cancer Center  is the best and the hospital INOVA Fair Oaks is really top of the line.  It is amazing how smoothly everything went and how well all is designed for patients and families.

We arrived at 2:00 pm and I was in surgery by 3:45.  According to Dr. Vargas, he took about a 50 cent piece of tissue out of my left breast to ensure that there were clean margins around that little .6 centimeter mass.  He also took lymph nodes from my left underarm. Dr. Vargas implanted a "Power Port" on under my right clavicle.  This is where the medication for the chemo will be placed. I have good size sutures in all of these areas.  We've been able to stay in front of the pain with ibuprofen (Motrin), ice packs and lots of rest.  In about a week or two I should have full movement and doing great again.

Chris and the girls are a big help and have been waiting on me hand and foot.  Emails and calls from friends and loved ones are greatly appreciated and keep everyone's spirits up.

So the cancer is out and gone!
Now we are going to be working to make sure it doesn't come back.   In late July I'll start the chemo and we'll move on from there.

Every now and then I get a little scared -- especially when I read the medical records with frightening words like "malignant" "cancer" etc.   I give up a prayer and remember to be grateful for all that is, and I am calm again.  It truly is amazing what goes into to fighting breast cancer.  Each of the doctors have told me that they are so very close to a cure.  Right now the cure rate for most breast cancers is at least 90%.  Phenomenal!

I remind myself there is nothing to worry about.  My goodness, small children all over the country are fight cancer for their lives and go through much worse.  If they can handle it with smiles on their faces and great hope; I can too.   I pray for those little ones and all who are fight the cancer battle.  May God give all comfort and peace today.

Ready For Surgery Today!

IT'S SURGERY DAY!

Well in just about four hours I will be in surgery!   This all still seems surreal; yet I know it is so very real.  I am ready and optimistic.  Actually I'm looking forward to it to actually begin the long process of getting the whole thing behind me. 

Yesterday I spent about 45 minutes with my priest (Father Vander Woude, Holy Trinity Catholic Church).  He had emailed me the day before and asked if I wanted the anointing for the sick.  ABSOLUTELY.  So in the time together, I received this lovely sacrament, as well as penance, and the eucharist.  I am encouraged that the anointing included all those that are working on my team (doctors, medical staff, etc.) and extended the blessing to my family and friends to have peace about this situation and to continue to pray for God's graces.

Right at this moment I'm not really hungry, but can't stop thinking about food.  I am not allowed any food or drink -- not even water as of 7:30 this morning.  So its not too long of a wait.  My darling Chris got up at 6:00 am and fixed me a delicious stick-to-your-ribs breakfast.  Waffles, bacon, creamed chipped beef (my fav) and of course coffee.  I was done in plenty of time of my deadline.  At 7:25 he brings me a glass of water.  So we're good to go.

I will be having a lumpectomy on my left breast, 4-6 lymph nodes removed, and a port implanted under my skin on my chest in preparation for the chemo.  Chemo still scares me alittle, but I don't have to face it until after July 23.  So I'll just live one day at a time and face it when it comes --- with your love, support and prayers to help me be brave.

Blessings and peace to you all, thank you for being there.

Doctors and more doctors....

June 24 2014

I am so grateful that I have such a terrific team of doctors working with me.

Yesterday I met with Dr. Marin (M.D. oncologist) who will be taking care of me after the surgery through the chemo and radiation.   Through him I learned that finally all the tests are back and show that I am a "triple positive" cancer patient.  This means that with some bio-chemical and hormone issues in my body, my cancer is more aggressive.  Estrogen is a key hormone that plays a part in this.   Because of this, that we have to be more aggressive in our treatment.

Essentially the mass that I have now will be easily taken care of through the surgery, chemo, and radiation. I will be cancer free.  However, there will be very close monitoring for some years to ensure that no other cancers develop.   So good to know this and that my doctors are so proactive.

I visited with Dr. Faltimier (M.D. family doctor) today.  She in addition to agreeing with completely with my other two doctors, she let me know that they will be placing a port on by chest under my skin.  This is what it looks like.

This will be used for to hook into the chemo therapy treatments, rather than being stuck over and over again.  It will also be used for another treatment that I'll receive after chemo to ensure that my hormones do not activate cancer again.

My treatment schedule (at this point) looks like this:

• June 26  Lumpectomy and removal of lymphnodes (4-6); placement of port.  3-4 weeks to recover
• July 23  See oncologist to begin the chemotherapy process.  I will have chemo once every three weeks for 6 cycles, 18 weeks in total.  So I should be finishing chemo around Thanksgiving. Great!  It will be good to have this behind me just in time for the holidays.
• December  I will have an Her receptor treatment once every three weeks for a year, to minimize the risk of other cancer.  This to will use the port.
• I will also begin radiation after chemo, 5 times a week for three weeks.  But the dates aren't known yet.
• After all of this I will be prescribed Tamoxifin (a pill) to take for the next 5 to 10 years.
• Finally, I will have scans and doctor appointments to monitor everything cancer related every six months for 5 - 10 years.

This reminds me that this is serious business.  All the same I remain very optimistic and worry free.  God's graces cover me and give me peace  (tho I'm not look forward to any of the pain or sickness).  The doctors encourage me to continue working and living life as usual through it all.  During the chemo I will have good days and bad days, and am told that soon we will see a pattern emerge so that I can be ready for it.

Dr. Faltimier encouraged me today so much.  She asked me to be sure to call her when I am feeling sickly and she will be sure to help me on a same day basis to minimize pain and discomfort.

Not only do I have a great team of medical professionals,  I am abundantly grateful for the love and support of my husband and children, and the prayers from my family and friends all over the country.  This sustains me and helps me to be strong.   THANKS and HUGS to everyone!

June 20 --- Chemo oh no

June 20   Chemo Oh No

Chris and I met with Dr. Vargas.  Essentially he told us that because of the Positive Her2 results, I will have the surgery, Chemo, and radiation.  The Chemo will be 1 every 3 weeks for 6 treatments; the radiation 5 days a week (M-F)  for 3 weeks.

I am to meet with my oncologist as soon as possible so that the treatments can be set up shortly after the surgery on the 26th.

The only positive thing I can take from today is that I probably will lose my hair.  This is a good thing as I've always wanted to share Catherine and her experience with alopecia.  Now we both will be bald for a time.  We've joked about how fun it will be and we can draw on each other's heads, maybe we'll get as fancy as this woman.

June 17 -- An Unexpected Phone Call

An Unexpected Phone Call

Monday night (6/16)  I am surprised to hear a message from Dr. Vargas to call him back.  It's probably some detail about the surgery so I'll call him in the morning.

Tuesday (6/17) I returned Dr. Vargas' call; of course he's not available.  An hour later he calls me.  "Mrs. Colleran," he says with his kind Spanish accent, "we have received the results for the Her2 test."  He reminds me that he mentioned it when we met and believed that it would be negative.  To his surprise it has come back positive.   "What does that mean?" I ask.  He tells me that it means that there is a protein in the cancer that makes it more aggressive; yet he believes because the cancer is so small that the cure rate still holds at 90-95%.

He asks me if I have any questions --- my head starts to swim and I can't think of anything.  Then I turn and tell Chris.

Once again the thoughts of what ifs and concerns for the girls begin over the next few days.  I start to feel like I have so much to do in order to find any peace.  Chris and I need to complete our estate planning,  I must call Steve's family and get the girls to Oklahoma for a visit, I must, I must ... the list goes on and on.

I call Dr. Vargas' office because I have so many questions.  The book they gave me has helped to clear my mind to focus on what is at hand.  Good --- I get to see him in two days (Friday, 6/20).

In the meantime I've done lots of research and found facts that are important to know:
Prevention

Tamoxifen is approved for breast cancer prevention in women aged 35 and older who are at high risk. Discuss this with your doctor.

Women at very high risk of breast cancer may consider preventive (prophylactic) mastectomy. This is surgery to remove the breasts before breast cancer is ever diagnosed. Possible candidates include:

• Women who have already had one breast removed due to cancer
• Women with a strong family history of breast cancer
• Women with genes or genetic mutations that raise their risk of breast cancer (such as BRCA1 or BRCA2)

In 2014, it is estimated that among U.S. women there will be [37]:

• 232,670 new cases of invasive breast cancer (This includes new cases of primary breast cancer among survivors, but not recurrence of original breast cancer among survivors.)
   
• 62,570 new cases of in situ breast cancer (This includes ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) and lobular carcinoma in situ (LCIS). Of those, about 83 percent will be DCIS. DCIS is a non-invasive breast cancer and LCIS is a condition that increases the risk of invasive breast cancer. Learn more about DCIS and LCIS.)
   
• 40,000 breast cancer deaths  

Take a look at this website for lots more credible information:  http://ww5.komen.org/BreastCancer/Statistics.html#USwomen

 

More thoughts......

As the week after seeing Dr. Vargas continues on, the thought of actually having breast cancer comes and goes.  So very busy with the girls, Chris, Dad, Peggy, teaching an online course, and everyday detail of life.

I am grateful that mine is a little cancer..... and no chemo, won't go through long grueling days of sickness.
I have nothing to worry about, and lots to be grateful for.

June 13, 2014 Oh no -- Friday the 13th!

June 13, 2014  Oh no! Friday the the 13th, 1st meeting with the cancer surgeon...

It Friday, Chris and I are once again in yet another reception area, waiting to see the a doctor to discuss my cancer.  Wow -- it is really surreal.

We are called in by a nurse.  She points Chris to the exam room, and keeps me to take my vitals.  How can someone with such healthy reading have cancer?  It just doesn't make sense.  Soon we are in the exam room and she is asking me a boatload of question and typing my answers into the computer.  Why the heck did I fill out all of the preliminary paperwork if she is doing over again now.  Finally, I stop and say "here, all the answers you seek are on these papers in the exact same order that you are asking me."  She looks at me, looks at the papers, mutters "thank you, the doctor will be right in."

A few minutes later, Dr. Vargas walks in.  He is tall, handsome, and well dressed (should be, bet he makes load of money).  He has a calming voice with a decidedly Spanish accent.  I learn he is from Peru originally. His body language and gently manners are kind, mindful, and soothing.  He looks me gently in the eye and begins to tell me for findings of the biopsy tests.

Essentially it comes down to this, these are the technical results:

• a moderately differentiated invasive ductal carcinoma
• tumor size - about .6 centimeters or 5 millimeters
• lymph nodes - negative (no cancer cells detected)
• metastases - negative (cancer is contained and has not spread)
• grade presentation - moderate (grade II)  this means that the cancer cells are between grade I, looking like normal cells; and grade III looking very abnormal
• Ki-67 - Favorable <10%   This is a test of rate of growth of the cancer cells. If it is 20% or higher it is a rapid rate.  Mine is very slow, which is favorable and means high rate of cure.
• ER >90% - has to do with my prognosis and recurrence rate of the cancer.  This score means that I have a high rate of no recurrence 90 to 95%
• Her-2-new --- this will be either negative or positive.  Dr. Vargas tells me that it has something to do with a protein.  We won't have the result on this for a few more days, he believes it will be negative
• FISH -- another result that is pending.

So in our terms, I have a cancer tumor in a duct of my left breast, it is a little larger than 1/4 inch. I have a highly favorable rate for cure and very low rate that it will reoccur.

He told me that the surgery is on an outpatient basis, he will do a lumpectomy, and remove attached lymphnodes.  Following which I will only need radiation to the specific area -- five days a week for 6 weeks.  And my hair will not fall out --- not that I care about that at all.  All AMAZING!

He introduced us to his team, who are all professional and gentle.  I left the office with a surgery appointment: Thursday June 26 3:30 pm,  be there two hours early for prep.

One of the nurses, Miranda, whose official title is Breast Cancer Navigator, is an RN.  She spoke with us to educate us about the process and answer any questions.  She gave me a book to use as I go through the whole process.  I have found it very very useful.  It is Breast Cancer Treatment Handbook, by Judy C. Kneece, RN, OCN, published by EduCare, Inc.  You can easily find it online if you'd like a copy for someone who is going through this.

So I leave Dr. Vargas feeling pretty confident with a certainty that all is being done in time to minimize the breast cancer.  In a few weeks it will all be behind us.  Life is good!

In between thoughts, worries, hopes

In between thoughts, worries, hopes

Chris and I spent most of the week in a daze.  Together we were researching all we could about breast cancer, treatments, surgery and the cancer surgeon himself, Hernan Vargas, M.D.  Individually we keep our thoughts, feelings and fears mostly to ourselves.  Although, there are moments throughout week that we admit to each other that we have them.  Chris is encouraging and I try to be optimistic and hopeful.

I am not so concerned about me or the illness. After much reading, I am confident in the treatment of today's medicine, and I am very confident in my surgeon.  He is a very accomplished man and has stellar recommendations from patients and other physicians.  I have peace that I am doing as much as I can on that front.  Still...what if?

In the depths of my heart I sometimes feel woeful for my daughters.  They have been through so much in their lives, the loss of their mother and how that will effect their lives is unimaginable.  Though I come from a large extended family, only a few cousins are really close to me.  My father is aging and I worry how my demise would hurt him.   And what about Chris?  He already lost loved ones through cancer, including Ruth (whom he lived with for 25 years before meeting me.  She died of brain cancer.  Four years later we had already dated a year, and got married.  He is a survivor and would get on with his life, I am certain.

What really fills my heart and head and keeps me up at night is "what will become of my daughters?"  Have I given them enough of a legacy of love, faith and family? Also, financially -- what can I leave them besides all of my belongings to help them through life. I feel the impulse to start doing things with Steve's (my ex-husband and their father) family to ensure that the girls have a sense of support and belonging.  I want to bring my dear cousins near me and to help the girls  know them because of their loving hearts, generous nature and faithfulness to God.  Should I not make it, hopefully the girls will feel secure in their family ties.  I worry about what will be left for them. Will Chris look after them?  Will he make sure that they are in his will?  What about Steve?  Will he be able to stabilize his life to meet the girls needs as they emerge into adulthood?  What about our faith?  Do they know enough in their hearts about the ever presence of God and his loving graces?

Chris let on that he too had been thinking about the future if I didn't make it.  Putting ease to some of my worries, he was making a variety of plans  -- all that include our daughters.  Thank you, Chris, for caring so much.

Sonogram and Biopsy

June 7, 2014 -- Sonogram and Biopsy
Chris and I arrive at the radiologist early.  I barely get sit down when they call my name.  Back to the dressing room, hospital gown, open in front.  Moments later, I'm lying on a gurney in the sonogram room.  The technicians begins her task and slathers gobs of gel on the transducer probe, then slowly smears that all over my left breast, taking pictures and fiddling with the keep board and all the while look on the computer screen. All done, but she doesn't wipe me off.  She takes the images to the radiologist.

Within minutes a woman steps in, introduces herself as the radiologist, Erica Berg, M.D..  She is a lovely Chinese woman, who looks Korean to me -- go figure.  Her beauty reminds me of my daughters and I immediately like her gentle yet straight forward manner.

She explains that I do have a mass and that it does look like cancer, but the only way to make sure is with a biopsy.  I'm given the option of having one performed there in the office immediately or go to a hospital for an outpatient procedure.  Chris and I decide that we might as well get it done.

The doctor steps out.  A few moments later, she's back with syringes.  She uses a local anesthetic to numb the breast are, the takes a few biopsies from different angles.

I go back to the dressing room, change into my clothes and meet her and Chris in another exam room, but only for consultation. Dr. Berg tells us that she is reasonably certain that it is cancer.  The biopsy will be sent to a lab and we'll hear in three business days the result.  She adivses us that our next step is to see a breast cancer surgeon and to make an appointment as soon as possible.  The results of the biopsy will be sent to my family doctor and to the surgeon.  "I've already spoken with your family doctor, Emily Faltimier M.D. and asked who she would recommend. I was glad to hear her say Dr. Vargas at the INOVA Breast Cancer Institute.  He is one of my favorites and I strongly recommend him too."  She reminds me that the mass seems to be only 5 to 6 millimeters in size and caught very early.  She had just gone through the process with her mother-in-law in January and assures me its nothing to worry about.

A centimeter is made up of 10 millimeters.  This chart shows different sizes of breast tumors, mine is half the size of the smallest circle, only detectable by mammography.

I leave the office so glad that I kept up with my mammograms.  Without them there is no way I would have ever known that I had this small mass.  I am grateful for the strides that have been made in medicine and technology,  I am a fan of preventative medicine and try to keep up with it in my own life.  I have gratitude in my heart for all the people I know who have keep up the fight to find a cure for breast cancer.  I have learned that we are very very close to a cure, and that things have changed in diagnosis and treatment so much in the last ten years.

Dear Ones --- please keep up with preventative medical practices in your life and, especially, make sure you get your routine mammograms!
Monday, two days later,I called for an appointment to meet with the Cancer Surgeon Dr. Vargas.  An appointment is set for Friday, June 13  12:34 pm.

The Phone Call

June 5, 2014 -- The Call
The phone rings and caller ID shows Fairfax Radiology.  The voice on the phone says "Ms. Colleran, the radiologist would like to see you again.  She'd like to take a sonogram of your left breast.  When is the earliest you can come in?"  An appointment for Saturday, June 7 is set.

In my mind a fog begins to set in.  I'm wondering if I should be sad, shocked, scared or whatever.  I decide to do or think nothing about it until after the appointment.

June 3, 2014 What is that spot?

Hi there family and friends:

I am writing this blog to share my experiences with breast cancer.
But first, I must thank everyone who has worked to financially support breast cancer research.  It is because of this work that people like me no longer have to fear this, and can be proactive to ensure that breast cancer is not a death sentence.   From the bottom of my heart

 Thank You! What you have done, saves lives.

I will post to this blog anytime something new happens, or I have thoughts and feelings that I want to share with you.  My hope is that it becomes a reminder for prayer, and a source of encouragement for many.  Hopefully I will also be able to give answers to some as I learn facts and truths along the way.

June 3, 2014 -- What is that spot?

I am in for my routine mammogram.  As usual not expecting anything out of the ordinary.  In fact, I've been consciously thinking in recent days how lovely life is and how blessed I am to come from a family of "long-livers" (my term for people who live beyond 90!).  Praising God that this season of my life is so full with joys, victories, challenges, and reasons to live by faith.   Two elderly parents that my husband, Chris, and I love and look after in their different assisted living situations; and our two teenage daughters 16 & 18 years respectively; a growing marriage, and loving husband.  My fulfilling career that I hope to continue with for many more year before easing into retirement.

I'm called back by the technician who take me to a dressing room to but on a hospital gown -- open in the front.  A few minutes later, I 'm at the mammogram machine and she carefully places each breast for imaging. This time it really hurt and the two plastic plate squeeeeeeeeeeze down.  "Ouch" I tell her, she sweetly apologizes.  In my mind, I'm thinking its a good pain as I know they'll get great images.

I strain my neck to turn and look at the images on her computer screen. "Oh no", I see a spot.  I ask her "what is that?"  She mumbles something like "not sure, the radiologist will call you if there's an issue."

I come home, and immediately tell Chris that I saw a spot.  "What does that mean?" he asks.  "Well," I say matter-of-factly," if it's what I think it is, they will call and ask me to go in for a sonogram and biopsy. They probably will diagnose me with breast cancer."   With a doubtful look, Chris says "or it can simply be a cyst." "We'll see," I said.  "Either way they will call me for a recheck."