Dear Family and Friends:

As today is the 11th day of Christmas, it is not too late to wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year -2015!

As you may know the 12 days of Christmas are the twelve days from Christmas day (December 25) to Epiphany (January 6).  1st day of is the day that Jesus was born, and the 12th day is the day the Maji found him and the Epiphany that He is the Lord of Lords, and King of Kings.  We keep our decorations up until Jan. 7 and try to do little things to celebrate these days too.  Of course, the Jan. 6 mass is the final time of honor and worship for the Christmas season. Anyway,  hope your Christmas season and New Year celebrations have been grand!

This is my final post on the blog as I have basically completed my intensive cancer treatments, a mammograpm in December showed no cancer and am now a cancer survivor!  Without your support and help, I really don't know if I would have gotten through this as easily.  Yes there was pain, suffering, fear, frustration; but it was the loving letters, cards, emails, calls, and lovely care package that I received from many of you that lifted my spirits.  I know that your prayers joined with mine, and our Lord blessed it all.

The most difficult part of the treatment was the extensive chemotherapy (ended October 16).  Two weeks later I began radiation therapy, daily at 8:30 am (ended December 22).  Interestingly, the chemo poison has mostly left my body, but there are still bits around and a few side effects that are slowly waning.  Last month (Dec) my hair started to grow back. It is all white and gray, and is straight.  Right now it is a full head of hair sticking straight out of my head.  Chris calls me his "little Q-tip".  The Radiation Therapy was not all that bad, but it did make me very tired.

For 2015, I will be having a very mild chemo every 3 weeks (herceptin), as well as taking an oral chemo therapy for 5 years -- Tomoxifen.  Don't know if there are side effects to this one or not.  Doubt it because I've learned from several people who are on it that it's okay.

I learned so much so far from this experience.  It's strange to say, but I am grateful to have gone through it.  My faith and compassion is stronger.  So many people have cancer.  It is truly amazing how many people I met who have all different kinds of cancer, and of all ages.  The surprising one was the large amount of men over 60 who were in for testicular or prostate cancer.  I was told that breast cancer is second only to these cancers in men.  I will forever keep people suffering with cancer in my daily prayers.

Other news, is that the girl's father, Steve is doing quite well.  After 5 months in the hospital recovering from bladder cancer; he has been home since November.  He has gained lots of strength back and is back to work and enjoying daily life.  One good thing that came from our having cancer at the same time is that it brought his family back into my life.  That is a blessing because we were related for 25 years, and have so much to share.

Here's a family picture we took in November.  Aren't the girls lovely.  I'm extremely puffy here because of all the steroids and medications,but now it has all gone away.  Still we are glad we took this picture because it marks something important that we came throught together.

So all ends well.  Thank you again for your faithfulness to me and your loving support.  Please keep in touch with email (rita.colleran@comcast.net) or facebook.  For many of you, if you're in the area come see me.  Know that you are in my prayers daily.

Much love -- Rita

There's a Nip in the air; Autumn is certainly here!



It is so nice to be in the holiday season.  For Halloween we hosted a free hotdog party for the neighborhood.  Many neighbors came by and we got to catch up, ate hotdogs, chips and soda.

Here a few pictures --- the poster we put at the stop signs in our neighborhood.   Chris and Catherine started the Halloween spirit by decorating and setting up.  Too bad I didn't take a night picture the lights were fabulous.

We had quite a good turn out and lots of good conversations.  Plenty of little ones with their constumes for the costum contest. Catherine greeted them and took pictures, Christina gave out candy.  We'll decide on the winners this week and send them a note with a McDonald's gift card   Most common were Mutant teenage ninja turtles, Olaf and Elsa from Snowden.  Chris wore a had with eyeballs so he could keep an eye on everything. Our little dog Molly was a pumpkin. 
We had such a good time.  Our neighbors kept saying what a good idea and we should have more things like this in the neighborhood.  So the next thing planned is an "Ugly Christmas Sweater" party by our neighbor two doors down, the first weekend of  December.  One good thing begats another!

Now for an update on chemotherapy...

As you know, I have been so very ill throughout the chemotherapy, and getting worse.  At first it was ups and downs.  I'd get a chemo treatment - feel okay for a day- have pain and fatigue for a few days- then feel better for a day - then it's time for another chemo treatment.  It went this way for a few weeks; but then started to change where I was just nauseous, in pain, weak and fatigued most all the time.  Ater a few weeks of this, I just had to talk with the doctor to see if there was something I could do differently, I was struggling to meet my responsibilities.  To our surprise when we met with Dr. Maran, he was very compassionate to my pain and suffering.  Together we realized that I had nearly completed the chemo plan, even though we were four weeks from the end date.

What happened is that the first chemo I took was actually as strong as three doses of my weekly chemo (which is why I became so very ill right away).  We changed it to weekly doses so that I could tolerate the chemo better.  Although that did work for sometime; eventually the toxicity did catch up with me and I became more and more ill as the days past.  Anyway, I was scheduled for 12 weekly doses;  I completed 8 weekly dozes, plus the three that were in that first dose brings me to 11 total doses of chemotherapy.  Dr. Maran felt that since my tumor was so small and that we are doing radiation and continuing herceptin (a much more mild) chemo therapy until July; we should be fine.   I told him that I will rely on my faith for that to be the truth.  Then we YAHOO'd that chemo was over.

Though the treatment is over it will take me weeks to months to get over all the side effects. Currently I still am weak and fatigued through out the day.  So I try to keep as active as I can, but you can still find me dozing from time to time.  The bone pain and body aches have subsided --- Glory be to God!  That was the worst.  I occassionally have a bit of nausea each day; but each day it is less and less.  The neuropathy (numbness in my hands and feet) still lingers and am told that that may take some time to rebuild and return to normal.  So steady by jerks, I am recovering as my body tries to rebuild.

Treatment now is both the Herceptin chemotherapy and radiation therapy.  Every three weeks, I have my Herceptin chemotherapy.  This is so mild it has virtually no side effects.  It is important that I have this for the next year as it will work on the HER2+ protein in my body.  According to www.breastcancer.org:

"Genes contain the recipes for the various proteins a cell needs to stay healthy and function normally. Some genes and the proteins they make can influence how a breast cancer behaves and how it might respond to a specific treatment. Cancer cells from a tissue sample can be tested to see which genes are normal and abnormal. The proteins they make can also be tested.

HER2 (human epidermal growth factor receptor 2) is one such gene that can play a role in the development of breast cancer. Your pathology report should include information about HER2 status, which tells you whether or not HER2 is playing a role in the cancer. The HER2 gene makes HER2 proteins. HER2 proteins are receptors on breast cells. Normally, HER2 receptors help control how a healthy breast cell grows, divides, and repairs itself. But in about 25% of breast cancers, the HER2 gene doesn't work correctly and makes too many copies of itself (known as HER2 gene amplification). All these extra HER2 genes tell breast cells to make too many HER2 receptors (HER2 protein overexpression). This makes breast cells grow and divide in an uncontrolled way.  HER2-positive breast cancers tend to grow faster and are more likely to spread and come back compared to HER2-negative breast cancers. But there are medicines specifically for HER2-positive breast cancers."

I sadly am one of those 25%, but am grateful to be treated with the herceptin chemotherapy.

I started my radiation therapy today, November 6.  I will have this every weekday for six weeks.   So it will be completed December 18th! There is no real side effect with this.  I have to put special creams on my left breast so that the laser from treatment doesn't burn or effect the skin too much. Each treatment lasts about 30 minutes.   My treatment time is 8:30 am, so by 9 am I'm done and have the rest of the day to work and do other things  -- as long as my body will let me. My radiation treatments are painless.

Radiation therapy — also called radiotherapy — is a highly targeted and highly effective way to destroy cancer cells in the breast that may stick around after surgery. Radiation can reduce the risk of breast cancer recurrence by about 70%. Despite what many people fear, radiation therapy is relatively easy to tolerate and its side effects are limited to the treated area. www.breastcancer.org

What God is teaching me....

As many of you know, it has a been a rough couple of years for our family concerning mental health and physical health.   Yet through all the anquish and physical pain; there were moments where I just wanted to break down and quit.  But God is faithful and sent His Holy Spirit and ministering angels to keep me going.

I can say that I personally have experienced pain and suffering in recent years that I thought would never touch me.  What God has taught me is that He is always with me, and truly -- I can endure with His Spirit.   And in a strange way I have come not to fear suffering or pain anymore.   I have learned that it is a blessing.  Even in the midst of it all, my gratitude for all the blessings and all the help and support from famly and friends, kept my eyes looking forward and gave me courage beyond what I ever thought I could do.  I have learned that suffering is vitally important --- with suffering comes insight, compassion, wisdom and a deeper and truer love for humanity.   God has taught me that I truly have the opportunity to walk closer with Him each day as I find ways to seek insight, compassion and wisdom for people in my life, and through this I love them more deeply and truer.

It's all so amazing --- because of God's grace you are in my life, and I am truly blessed each day and each step of the way.  Praise God for His love and mercy.

Thanks to my sister for her dear card that lifted my spirits, my friend from OK who sent me a huge hug in a box (fuzzy socks, scarf, cute hat, lovely earrings, and lemon drops); and to my neighbor who crocheted an afghan and made yummy cookies for me.   Thanks to so many of you for your calls and emails.  I apologize that I have not been able to return most of them, the fatigue and weakness this past month has kept me.  Hopefully I will be growing stronger soon and write you all back individually.

For now, I wish you the best of the new Holiday Season --- Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas....

Rita

Beautiful October

Happy Autumn All!

Well its finally Fall, my favorite time of year.  I hope that you are enjoying it too!

They say you shouldn't dream your life away. Well I've been working hard at trying not to do that.
I have lots of dreams lately, due to my sleeping 10 to 15 hours a day.  Going through cancer is the only time your doctors will praise you for this behavior, I'm sure.  But my body is fighting off the toxins and side effects of the chemotherapy, and your body only heals and grows when you sleep.  That's why I'm fatiqued so much.  But its all good.

When I'm awake I' also dreaming about how nice it will be this time next month when this harsh chemotherapy is completed.  I have only four more treatments  -- last one November 6.  Since I am suffering with most of the side effects that come from it; I will be able to really heal and feel good within weeks after that --- Just In Time For the HOLIDAYS!!!   They say that a few of the side effects will probably take a month or two.  Soon I'll be enjoying oysters on the half shell and a glass of wine with Chris!!!

Some of my side effects are numbness in my fingers, feet, and around my mouth; puffiness due the steroids in my face; watery eyes that often feel like I have sand in them because of loosing my eye lashes; minor nose bleeds from time to time; headaches, nausea, open wounds from erroneus scratches that don't heal because my body doesn't have enough umph for that right now; and of course fatique.  I have low hemoglobin levels in my blood which causes this.

Hemoglobin is a protein in red blood cells that carries oxygen to the rest of the body.  Since mine is low, the onocologist has recommended that I eat more red meat.  I've learned that iron supplements are not useful here because it is not the right kind of iron, and iron rich vegetables while good for supplementing normal health, do not give enough 4% to make a difference.  Red meats are the highest and will do the best.

So for the last week, Chris has been feeding me what I love love love.  Roast beef, steak, goat, liver, tonight we'll be having homemade beef stew for dinner... and low and behold my shakes are gone, and when awake I am energized.   My appetite is not the greatest, but having this good stuff does motivate me to eat a bit more.  Up until now I've mostly been eating fresh fruits and veggies, protein -- boiled eggs or a little chicken or fish.  Now with fall/winter -- still keeping up with some fresh fruit, but mostly roasted veg. and of course red meat.  Oh yes, I've also become addicted to aloe vera juice (slightly flavored with citrus -- from the Korean Grocery)  about six ounces a day is helping to heal my digestive track from all the harsh meds etc.  Good Stuff!

A couple of weeks ago, I started experiencing pain in my left arm between the shoulder and elbow. It was managable for the first two days, but by the third day was unbearable.  Chris took me to urget care.  Come to find out I had pinched a nerve in my neck.  So the doctor gave me a shot of muscle relaxant, pain reliever Rx, and a sling to wear for a week.  Fortunately all got well within days.  But wondering how that happened .... it occurred to me that I had put on a very strong holding sports bra (telling you --- it was a struggle)  that I used after breast surgery.  Don't know why I did this, and no one was around to help.  I think that in that struggle is when I pinched that nerve ---- go figure!

A shout out to my friend John Sullivan in NYC.  He made a pilgramage to Spain in September walking the Camino De Santiago trail, in his last email he wrote:  I walked this last segment of the Camino thinking of you today. I pray that you are well. I am now staying in the small Spanish village of Navarette. I have now completed over 150 km of the Camino de Santiago. The Camino is like an allegory of life with many ups and downs. I offer my prayers for your recovery and look forward to sending you pictures of the small town.

I am so honored by his kindness and mindfulness.  The fact that he even has seen the original hometown of my family is fantastic.  Hugs to you and our friendship John, I wish I could find the words to express how I feel about the significance your prayers are in my life.

A few folks have commented that they miss seeing my blog more often.  I am so flattered by that.  Can't say enough how much it matters to me that we are connected.  Anyway, I started the blog as an easy way to keep you all up dated whenever there are changes, etc.   So please know that sometimes it will be up dated monthlyish or every weeklyish or even dailyish.  It just depends on whats going on, and my health/ability to write.  So no worries if a few weeks go by, I will always keep you posted if there is something important.

In the meantime,  please keep me posted on what's going on your way.  Thank you all so much for your emails and phone calls, and cards.  Your love and prayers have kept this time from being so difficult.  I keep you in my prayers too.  May God bless you in extra special ways this season.

With love, prayers, and peace,
Rita

Wow How time has flown!

Hi all:

I can't believe that it has been weeks since I've added to this blog. One thing about being in chemo is that time looses any meaning.  It is strange and frustrating.

Well, I've had 5 chemo treatments in the last eight weeks.  Since August 21, I've been receiving my treatments each week on Thursday from 9:00 am to noon.  I learned this last week I have 10 more to go -- ugh!  So chemo ends the early November. Side effects are varied.  Chemo brain is where I forget things easily or don't quite remember things right.  Numbness in my fingers continues so I'm clumsy, fatigue, off sleep and eating patterns.   But I can't complain, as it is just for a little while and will pass.

After this chemo, I get about 4 weeks with nothing -- yeah can't wait!  Then radiation everyday (M-F) for 3 weeks.  After that a continuation of a very mild chemo (Herceptin) that they say has no side effects for a year.  And then... a medication that I'll just take for 5 years.

Breast cancer is the most curable cancer, and I have about 95% cure rate -- meaning it won't come back.  So in the long run, all of this worth doing, for sure.

I miss having a regular life tho.  Sleep patterns and appetitie are off in strange ways.  Sleeping I can do at the drop of a hat.  So I have to work on keeping a schedule.  Yet some days are just bad days, I don't feel well and sleep most of the day, then night time is tough.  I am often hungry but nothing tastes good.  Chris has taken me out to dinner a few times, but I just can't seem to finish a meal.

My food of choice is watermelon -- I eat bowls of that each day.  It tastes good, easy on my stomach and helps keeps me hydrated. But protein is the most important thing I'm suppose to each -- so we try different things and I do the best I can.  Soups have also been a big help with lots of crackers.  Nausea and heartburn are a recurring concern.

I rarely leave the house.  My sweet girls attend mass and pray for me.  I miss going, but often just don't have the strength.  I'm on a little walking program to keep me going and do light house work.  Chris and the girls do a great job of making sure things get done and meals are made for the most part.  Sometimes they go out to eat without me -- which I'm happy because I don't want them to do without because of cancer.

I am working full time --- by the grace of God it is all at home.  As a full time professor, I've been given all online classes this semester.  So I manage it in bits as I can through the week.  So far so good.

Updates:  Catherine is doing fantastic!  She is driving and has a job at Starbucks.  She is planning to begin college in January.  Christina is doing Marvelous!  She is a sophmore this year, happy to be back at school, and is very conscientious about her  schoolwork and home responsibilities.  Chris is Fabulous!  He does all he can to meet my needs and take care of everyone.  His work keeps him very busy too.  Yet he manages to keep me first priority -- every doctors appointment, every time I need something -- he is there.

Though I haven't seen him in weeks, Steve - the girls' father is doing better.  He is still in the hospital, but I'm told he will be moved to rehabilitation this week.

I hope this note finds you doing well and feeling the love in Lord each day.  Thanks so much for your cards and emails.  I know you are praying. All of this gives me great strength to get through this and continue with daily necessities.   I apologize if I have not reached out to you lately, I simply lose time and focus.  Please do contine to email or comment here.

Praying for you with gratitude.

New Chemo

Evening all...
 Just to remember ..... here is a picture of me after diagnosis before chemo

before chemo

after Chemo
No hair is not so bad.

I think I look younger with no hair,  How about you?  I have to tell you that going bald is a best keep secret because it is to easy.   I now have a wardrobe of scarves and hats, and love wearing them.  Honestly, if it weren't for Chris, I probably would continue with ultra short hair after the cancer and chemo is gone. :-)

I mentioned that my last chemo was devastating to me.  Really really rough.  Fortunately my oncologist realized this as well and has greatly changed the chemotherapy, but hopefully not its effectiveness.
Starting tomorrow 8/21, my new regimen will consist of chemotherapy receiving taxol and herceptin.  A blessing is that I've made new friends who have differing forms of cancer who also go to chemo at the same time, so we'll have a good visit.  The treatments are each Thursday for the next 6 weeks, 3 1/2 hours each time in the chair.

After the chemotherapy is done, we'll wait 4 weeks and I'l have radiation 5 days a week for 3 weeks; then continue on with chemotherapy for a year with only herceptin.

I pray, pray, pray, that the side effects tomorrow are not as bad as the other medicine.  Doctors and nurses have said the "should" be a bit milder; but it all depends on the patient and the cancer.  So I am keeping my hopes up and hoping for the best.  I received a call from my family doctor that my labs from last week show low blood calcium, abnormal reading for the kidneys and the liver.  These are all side effects of the chemotherpy, and will be attended to as we go along.

The nurse practitioner said it well when describing the GI tract and my hair --- she said that both the gastrointestinal tract and all the hair follicles get really angry with chemo therapy.  I'm living proof as are many others, unfortunately.

On another note, I recently was hired as a full time associate professor at my college.  What is really cool is that for this year, I am working with ELI (extended learning instititute) so the vast majority of my work is online --- don't even have to leave home.   Today I lauched 4 sixteen week classes (all seem to have very interesting students). 2 - Psych 1 & 1-Psych 2, 1 - Developmental Psych.

The first six weeks might be little rough because of chemo, but at least I can get to it on my own time.
Despite everything, the blesssings still out way any sorrow.  God is good all the time.

Please keep your happy notes and comments coming.  I pray for abundance in blessing to come your way.

Better news for sure....

GOD IS FAITHFUL ALL THE TIME!

Me and Catherine -- A blessing to share our baldness

Here's a picture of me and my dear Catherine.  As many of you know she has suffered with Alopecia since she was nine years old.  It has taken many years for her to come to terms with it, but now at 18, she is quite confident in herself and her beauty.  One of the blessings of this illness for me, is having the opportunity to share the "no hair" experience with her.  (Gosh my nose is big)

On another note, I was fortunate to get an early morning appointment with my oncologist today.  I actually wasn't scheduled to see him until next week sometime, but I have been so very sick with side effects -- I decided I couldn't wait any longer.

In his office, I described all that I had been going through.  He agreed that it was so much suffering and that the treatment had to be changed.  In fact, I learned that the treatment that I was given is the standard well researched successful treatment for women who have my type of breast cancer with tumors up to 3 centimeters (about 2 1/2 inches in size).  Since mine was so very small  .6 cm (1/2 inch) and because I am not tolerating the medications at all; we should change.

Blessing.. . . Starting next week, I will be using a chemo therapy that is way less toxic and eliminating all together the Neulasta (white blood cell shot) that is the biggest nemesis causing side effects.  Now I will still suffer some side effects, but according to Dr. Maran  all will be well managed.  Of course, the overall goal is to ensure that the cancer doesn't have a chance to come back; but during treatment the goals are short down time, minimal pain and suffering, and more time to live a regular life.  I am fortunate to be able to make this change because my cancer was caught so early, and because I am being so very closely monitored for the next five years.  

The last two weeks have been hell on earth for me.  I really knew that if the chemo course I was on was the one I had to use; I simply could not do it.  I was prepared to take my chances with minimal help and just live as long as I could with quality of life and not all the pain and agony.

But once again, God meets me at my need.  Taking the step of faith to talk with my doctor was all I needed to do. Incidentally, since I've been through this first toughest series of treatment does not go to waste --- it actually puts us ahead of the game on the new regimen.  My optimism is back and am looking forward to moving on fighting this thing.

For this day however, I am at the lowest of my white blood count and seem to have caught a cold or something.  So I'm keeping inside and hoping to gain my health soon.  Nausea and pain are under control and meds are slowly becoming less.

Thank you all again for your prayers and your love.  You make all the difference!

2:00 am Chemo Hats

I was told that keeping up with sleep and rest is vital to getting well.  Mostly, this is a no brainer with all the nausea and pain medications.  Yesterday and today, I've felt a bit better and have tried to take less meds and am starting to get a bit back to normal -- so to speak.  I really do not like the "loopy" feeling from the medications and hope to stay away from that as much as possible.

Chemo Hats

So what does one do at 2:00 am ---lots of things I've read.  One recent suggestion was to get the little things done that come up regularly in life.  For example, write your gift giving lists (birthday, anniversary, Christmas, etc)  Then shop online for the items.  Not that you'd buy everything all at once, but a little here and there.  Over time, the gifts come in.  On other sleepless nights you can wrap and label your gifts and store them away for the right time.  The neat thing about this, it that it is so efficient and you haven't had to use regular hours to get it done.  It kind of is like magic.  To be honest, I did this for last Christmas, and was totally amused how easy the season was after that.  I really enjoyed the no sweat time of simply enjoying each day/activities/event as it came.

Chemo Hats

 But not so this year.  I guess I could begin the same, but other things on my mind. Like what am I going to wear when I begin back next semester teaching class.  I have 4 traditional psychology classes (meaning in the classroom) and 1 online class to teach this fall.  Funny thing is, my class in Abnormal Psychology is the only one online, and that one could use me looking "odd" in front of students.

My other classes are Principles of Psychology, and Intro to Psychology.  These are all new students and I need to make sure that I do not scare them off -- bald and sickly looking skin that I now have.  So I'm looking at "chemo hats".

It's an interesting name - chemo hats;  clearly purposed for cancer patients who have lost their hair to chemo, and find hats to wear.  Looking through the many sites, I've learned that most of these are built for comfort and style, but comfort is definitely #1.

Last week I purchased 4 hats of different styles and am planning to use some of my scarves too.    So far, whenever I do wear them, I get complements, and folks tell me that I'm a "hat person".   Rarely got complements on my hair, so does that mean that my hair.... oh well never mind.   Last week, on one of my sickest days, I had a business meeting that I had to attend -- an opportunity for an associate professorship.  For this I wore a scarf around my head that was of complementary pattern to the color of my dress, and it really did dress up by outfit.  One person at the office said "wow, you look gorgeous."  That was nice, tho I actually felt awkward hoping that it wasn't too much and/or would begin to slip off as I walked across the lobby or during the meeting.

Anyway, I'm deciding that I do like the hat(s) idea over scarves and may keep my hair very short after it begins to grow in, just so I can keep wearing them --- the ones for summer are so cooling and comfy.  I'm sure hats for winter will be a must.  If I do become a "hat person" and where them after the treatment is over -- I'll have to think of a new name for my "chemo hats."

I'll let you know what I hear about the associate professorship.... Let me know what you think about chemo hats and any other ideas to look presentable in a professional environment or college classroom.

Blessing to you all....