New Chemo

Evening all...
 Just to remember ..... here is a picture of me after diagnosis before chemo

before chemo

after Chemo
No hair is not so bad.

I think I look younger with no hair,  How about you?  I have to tell you that going bald is a best keep secret because it is to easy.   I now have a wardrobe of scarves and hats, and love wearing them.  Honestly, if it weren't for Chris, I probably would continue with ultra short hair after the cancer and chemo is gone. :-)

I mentioned that my last chemo was devastating to me.  Really really rough.  Fortunately my oncologist realized this as well and has greatly changed the chemotherapy, but hopefully not its effectiveness.
Starting tomorrow 8/21, my new regimen will consist of chemotherapy receiving taxol and herceptin.  A blessing is that I've made new friends who have differing forms of cancer who also go to chemo at the same time, so we'll have a good visit.  The treatments are each Thursday for the next 6 weeks, 3 1/2 hours each time in the chair.

After the chemotherapy is done, we'll wait 4 weeks and I'l have radiation 5 days a week for 3 weeks; then continue on with chemotherapy for a year with only herceptin.

I pray, pray, pray, that the side effects tomorrow are not as bad as the other medicine.  Doctors and nurses have said the "should" be a bit milder; but it all depends on the patient and the cancer.  So I am keeping my hopes up and hoping for the best.  I received a call from my family doctor that my labs from last week show low blood calcium, abnormal reading for the kidneys and the liver.  These are all side effects of the chemotherpy, and will be attended to as we go along.

The nurse practitioner said it well when describing the GI tract and my hair --- she said that both the gastrointestinal tract and all the hair follicles get really angry with chemo therapy.  I'm living proof as are many others, unfortunately.

On another note, I recently was hired as a full time associate professor at my college.  What is really cool is that for this year, I am working with ELI (extended learning instititute) so the vast majority of my work is online --- don't even have to leave home.   Today I lauched 4 sixteen week classes (all seem to have very interesting students). 2 - Psych 1 & 1-Psych 2, 1 - Developmental Psych.

The first six weeks might be little rough because of chemo, but at least I can get to it on my own time.
Despite everything, the blesssings still out way any sorrow.  God is good all the time.

Please keep your happy notes and comments coming.  I pray for abundance in blessing to come your way.

Better news for sure....

GOD IS FAITHFUL ALL THE TIME!

Me and Catherine -- A blessing to share our baldness

Here's a picture of me and my dear Catherine.  As many of you know she has suffered with Alopecia since she was nine years old.  It has taken many years for her to come to terms with it, but now at 18, she is quite confident in herself and her beauty.  One of the blessings of this illness for me, is having the opportunity to share the "no hair" experience with her.  (Gosh my nose is big)

On another note, I was fortunate to get an early morning appointment with my oncologist today.  I actually wasn't scheduled to see him until next week sometime, but I have been so very sick with side effects -- I decided I couldn't wait any longer.

In his office, I described all that I had been going through.  He agreed that it was so much suffering and that the treatment had to be changed.  In fact, I learned that the treatment that I was given is the standard well researched successful treatment for women who have my type of breast cancer with tumors up to 3 centimeters (about 2 1/2 inches in size).  Since mine was so very small  .6 cm (1/2 inch) and because I am not tolerating the medications at all; we should change.

Blessing.. . . Starting next week, I will be using a chemo therapy that is way less toxic and eliminating all together the Neulasta (white blood cell shot) that is the biggest nemesis causing side effects.  Now I will still suffer some side effects, but according to Dr. Maran  all will be well managed.  Of course, the overall goal is to ensure that the cancer doesn't have a chance to come back; but during treatment the goals are short down time, minimal pain and suffering, and more time to live a regular life.  I am fortunate to be able to make this change because my cancer was caught so early, and because I am being so very closely monitored for the next five years.  

The last two weeks have been hell on earth for me.  I really knew that if the chemo course I was on was the one I had to use; I simply could not do it.  I was prepared to take my chances with minimal help and just live as long as I could with quality of life and not all the pain and agony.

But once again, God meets me at my need.  Taking the step of faith to talk with my doctor was all I needed to do. Incidentally, since I've been through this first toughest series of treatment does not go to waste --- it actually puts us ahead of the game on the new regimen.  My optimism is back and am looking forward to moving on fighting this thing.

For this day however, I am at the lowest of my white blood count and seem to have caught a cold or something.  So I'm keeping inside and hoping to gain my health soon.  Nausea and pain are under control and meds are slowly becoming less.

Thank you all again for your prayers and your love.  You make all the difference!

2:00 am Chemo Hats

I was told that keeping up with sleep and rest is vital to getting well.  Mostly, this is a no brainer with all the nausea and pain medications.  Yesterday and today, I've felt a bit better and have tried to take less meds and am starting to get a bit back to normal -- so to speak.  I really do not like the "loopy" feeling from the medications and hope to stay away from that as much as possible.

Chemo Hats

So what does one do at 2:00 am ---lots of things I've read.  One recent suggestion was to get the little things done that come up regularly in life.  For example, write your gift giving lists (birthday, anniversary, Christmas, etc)  Then shop online for the items.  Not that you'd buy everything all at once, but a little here and there.  Over time, the gifts come in.  On other sleepless nights you can wrap and label your gifts and store them away for the right time.  The neat thing about this, it that it is so efficient and you haven't had to use regular hours to get it done.  It kind of is like magic.  To be honest, I did this for last Christmas, and was totally amused how easy the season was after that.  I really enjoyed the no sweat time of simply enjoying each day/activities/event as it came.

Chemo Hats

 But not so this year.  I guess I could begin the same, but other things on my mind. Like what am I going to wear when I begin back next semester teaching class.  I have 4 traditional psychology classes (meaning in the classroom) and 1 online class to teach this fall.  Funny thing is, my class in Abnormal Psychology is the only one online, and that one could use me looking "odd" in front of students.

My other classes are Principles of Psychology, and Intro to Psychology.  These are all new students and I need to make sure that I do not scare them off -- bald and sickly looking skin that I now have.  So I'm looking at "chemo hats".

It's an interesting name - chemo hats;  clearly purposed for cancer patients who have lost their hair to chemo, and find hats to wear.  Looking through the many sites, I've learned that most of these are built for comfort and style, but comfort is definitely #1.

Last week I purchased 4 hats of different styles and am planning to use some of my scarves too.    So far, whenever I do wear them, I get complements, and folks tell me that I'm a "hat person".   Rarely got complements on my hair, so does that mean that my hair.... oh well never mind.   Last week, on one of my sickest days, I had a business meeting that I had to attend -- an opportunity for an associate professorship.  For this I wore a scarf around my head that was of complementary pattern to the color of my dress, and it really did dress up by outfit.  One person at the office said "wow, you look gorgeous."  That was nice, tho I actually felt awkward hoping that it wasn't too much and/or would begin to slip off as I walked across the lobby or during the meeting.

Anyway, I'm deciding that I do like the hat(s) idea over scarves and may keep my hair very short after it begins to grow in, just so I can keep wearing them --- the ones for summer are so cooling and comfy.  I'm sure hats for winter will be a must.  If I do become a "hat person" and where them after the treatment is over -- I'll have to think of a new name for my "chemo hats."

I'll let you know what I hear about the associate professorship.... Let me know what you think about chemo hats and any other ideas to look presentable in a professional environment or college classroom.

Blessing to you all....

SICKER THAN A .......

Thanks to everyone who has sent me cards and called me, etc.  It is just amazing to know that we are in each other's hearts.   I apologize as I have not been physically able to respond to each person, but am trying to do so here.

DEAR FAMILY:  Many of asked if there is something you can do for me.  It is difficult because of the miles between us.  But if you will help me communicate with everyone will be such a blessing.  Especially those that do not use a computer.  Fortunately, there are no secrets here, and all is open for loved ones to know. Here is my list from this week:

I hope that someone will call my Aunt Alice for me and let her know that I got her message on the phone.  I am honored that she called me and appreciate her her care.  Let her know that so many of childhood memories include her.

My dad is worried and though Catherine called him the other day, he needs some reassurance that these chemo treatments are only temporary.

My dear Aunt Eva and her family sent me a card.  I am so happy to have received it.  Please let her know that I feel their love and support.

My cousin Lela --- if someone could reach out to her and let her know that I heard her message on the phone.  And again, how blessed I am to have the love and support.

Mae, Carol texted me and please know that you and your daughters have been on my mind and in my prayers.

I have to tell  you that the last week has been the worst of my life.  I was told that after chemo, I could expect the following:

1. nausea for a few days-- but many nausea medications are given
2. bone pain and body aches from the neulasta shot (to increase white blood cells) -- suggested Tylenol and clartin to take in advance to help ward this off

Okay, I could handle this.  It's that little caveat the they all say at the end that really gets you, "but there's no telling for sure because every one's different."

YIKES -- isn't that the truth right there.  Eleven days ago I had my first chemo treatment,  and I'm still suffering.  The physical pain lasted for about five days due to the neulasta.  Finally, relief from that!  I thought I was over the hump --- but on Wednesday, nausea came on like a storm --- Chris even called the ambulance I was in a bad way.   But into the afternoon things settled down as I was more and more medicated.

So far I have learned that if I stay medicated enough, I can get through it.  It just is knowing when and how bad things will be.  I have sores in my mouth, throat, lips, and the medication makes me drowsy and groggy all most all the time.

Gosh I know this sounds awful and lots of complaining.... sorry -- for me it is only the truth.
I plan to visit with my doctor next week and discuss other options.

This being all said, I am reminded of the people who are suffering more than I can imagine, and it humbles me.  I also think of Our Lord, in the Garden of Gethsemane, He knew in advance the pain and suffering he would endure; but did it anyway.  I have a  little insight know as to how that is, and only ask for His mercy.

NOW I KNOW I AM A CANCER PATIENT --- OH THE PAIN.....

Thursday -- July 31 was my first chemo-therapy.  Not so bad.   The port in my shoulder makes administering the medication very easy.   The surprise is that it took almost 5 hours.  I was seated at 9:30 am.  Received an anti-nausea IV medication.  The first of the three chemo drugs (Docetaxel) began in my IV at 10:00; at 11:30 I received the second (Carboplatin); and finally at 1:30 I received the third Trastuzumab. Long day -- of drip drip drip.

Docetaxel and Carboplatin prevent cancer cells from dividing and growing and can cause them to shrink and die (that is if there are any left in my body at all after the surgery). The Trastuzumab is targets the cancer cells even more precisely and

I walked out of  there feeling pretty good -- no big deal I thought.   Had a nice little dinner, appetite a bit low.  Took the nausea meds they gave me, just to make sure that I wouldn't get sick.   First night - good!

Friday, I returned to the doctors office for a NEULASTA shot.  I will receive this the day after chemo throughout my treatment.  This is a shot in the arm or stomach and is purposed to build white blood cells in the bones.  I was warned that my bones would ache some, and it is different for everyone.  Tylenol and claritin were prescribed.  Interesting -- the claritin has been found to help cancer patients with bone pain.

NOW I KNOW I AM A CANCER PATIENT --- the warning about the bone pain was highly under-estimated.   At first it begins with just a little shock of pain here and there, then an ached for a few minutes, then it builds into excruciating pain like I have never known.

This little chart shows a bit about how the pain comes and goes.  Then the overall pain.  And from time to time it truly feels like a saw blade riping through my breast bone, back, and pelvis.   For the last two days it has been such a struggle.   I tried to manage it with tylenol and clariton, and it has helped at moments.  Last nite was the worst!

TODAY!  Chris was up early this morning with the doctor --- we're bringing in the big guns.  Hydrocodone/Acetaminophine 5-325 mg every four hours four pain!  YIPPEE!
I promise to keep you posted on more --- but for now I must find my rest ---- finally!
Blessings to all.

What am I doing here?

LIKE MY NEW LOOK!

Honestly, I must admit that I have been under a bit of disillusionment since my diagnosis.  While I fully understand that my cancer was early at Stage 1A and that we removed it all through the surgery, and all margins and lymph nodes were clear; I thought I had sort of dodged a bullet with the amount of treatment and pain I would have to do.

At the moment, I am cancer free --- so everything we are doing now is to make sure that I stay that way.   OK-- I got it!  No big deal --- take the treatment and move on.

On June 24th I attended the mandatory chemo class at my oncologists office.  Here a nurse talks with a small group of new patients about what to expect with chemotherapy.   This meeting was like a bucket of cold ice water thrown in my face.

I walked into a very modest conference room and saw a dozen or so other people.  As I reached for my seat, I recognized one of the participants is a business acquaintance who I've known for a few years.  Our mouths agape -- we stared at each other.  "What are you doing here?" we both thought without saying word.

The room had patients with all different kinds of cancers -- breast, leukemia, colon, brain, ovarian, etc. Seeing this I felt as if I didn't belong.  My cancer was small and gone. These folks had lots facing them -- and I just had to take some medicine.

As the class progressed I realized that I was wrong.  Actually, just about everyone was post surgery and, like me, in chemo to kill cancer cells so it doesn't come back.  EYE OPENER:  The nurse discussed the list of medications and side effects, but reassured us that not to worry because their goal is to help us manage the pain as best possible and minimize discomfort. 

What does that mean?  Will it be like a tooth ache, or probably I won't feel anything much that a Tylenol can't handle -- I was certain. As the class went on, I learned about the suffering that goes on with chemotherapy --- how the medicines do kill cancer cells, and other normal cells too.  Then how other medicines are used to boost your white blood count.  But the side effects----- OH WOW THE SIDE EFFECTS!    I have three medicines for nausea, vomiting, medications for bone pain, muscle aches, blisters in the mouth, constipation, diarrhea, rashes, numbness, dizziness, on and on.

We (the patients) began to compare notes and we were quick to discover that the cancer experience is different for everyone.   Walking away from the class, I left with a bit fear, and a knot way deep in my stomach.   What am I going to be facing?   I know that God will help me and my faith in Him will carry me through --- I just hope it doesn't hurt.